Marriage

How The 1st Trimester Affected Our Marriage

Cue the tomato throwing because I always assumed that pregnant women during the first trimester were exaggerating their symptoms. Oh sure, I believed those women who were diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum were going through hell BUT I assumed that was such a small percentage that the rest of the women were just babies.

When you find out your pregnant, there’s a TON of emotions. You never know how you’re going to react but I can bet you probably won’t respond the same way your spouse does.

It was hard for me to forget that I was pregnant. On the day of my missed period I was nauseous WITHOUT a migraine which is usually my first day period symptom so I knew something was weird. Since the day of my missed period I’ve only gone an entire 24 hours without nausea on 3 separate occasions. When I finally announced my pregnancy on the blog, I mentioned exhaustion but this was something I did NOT expect.

From that first day of my positive pregnancy test it did affect our marriage. For starters, my husband had to take over EVERYTHING household-related. If it involved brain power or me physically standing up, it wasn’t going to happen because my energy was being taken. The nausea and my super smell prevented me from washing dishes or cleaning our bathroom.

How The 1st Trimester Affected Our Marriage

  • Zero date nights because I went to bed by 7:30, so after work, eating dinner and showering it definitely didn’t leave ANY time to be together except for those few minutes in bed in the morning. Also, leaving the house meant I would be nauseous because of the smells and movement so leaving the house unless it was for work never happened.
  • My husband was at a loss to cook for me because I only ate things that I specifically felt like I could eat that day. My poor husband was grocery shopping daily because one day I could eat pineapple and the next I’d throw it up and never want to see it again.
  • I felt SO guilty leaving everything to The Mister but I was in pure survival mode and sometimes he would get frustrated because he couldn’t tell how crappy I felt.
  • We both were frustrated because our needs were not getting met. I was cranky because I couldn’t even muster 15 minutes to spend with my husband because this tiny leech was taking all my energy and The Mister was frustrated because he wasn’t getting date nights or any real-time with me.

We struggled until recently by having small disagreements but I never had the energy to address it, if I was being honest with you. At the 13th week mark, my nausea and morning sickness turned to motion sickness so that allows for relatively easier time to be with my husband. It allowed us to talk openly about our feelings(his of neglect, mine feeling like he wasn’t putting himself in my shoes). I also have about 15% more energy so I’m at least able to make it to 8:30pm most nights before I need bed which at least allows us to have many date nights at home.  After talking it out, we realized there was just SO many emotions that we were both processing individually instead of trying to work them out together, which was causing discourse. We’re now back on the same page, and feeling more positive about the rest of my pregnancy. I’m so thankful for The Mister because this past 16 weeks has been tough!

So tell me, did you struggle with the first trimester? Did it affect your marriage? 

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8 thoughts on “How The 1st Trimester Affected Our Marriage

  1. I’m sorry you had it so rough! I’d say I had more just throwing up suddenly than constant nausea…and I think I’d prefer just throwing up 2-3 times a day than feeling sick all the time! I did turn into a sudden homebody, not leaving the house for anything unnecessary. We had relatives from the USA visiting for 6 weeks, and my two sisters staying in our apartment so that my parents had enough beds for the visiting family–which actually turned out being awesome because my sisters and cousins had compassion on me and swept and mopped the house while I slept during the day. Also, my family was making big meals with so many visitors so Angel and I just had dinner at their place the many nights I couldn’t cook (mostly, Angel had dinner. I carried around sliced up cucumbers and ate them). Motion like riding in a car or even walking any faster than a snail’s pace made me sick, plus I’m avoiding the outdoors due to the prevalence of mosquito-borne fevers in our area, so I stayed home from all of the fun family outings while our relatives were visiting, and Angel joined in on any of the family outings when he wasn’t working, which meant I spent a lot of evenings or free time home alone.
    I think Angel was slightly bewildered that his normal ball of energy wife who has cooked homemade dinner everyday and always kept the house spotless suddenly spent every non-essential moment sleeping. But he’s been a champ, and he’s so laid back…honestly he probably gets too much attention from me on a regular basis so he may be appreciating the fact that he gets more rest now that I’m not always bouncing around suggesting adventures. We’ve definitely spent much less time together…but it’s only temporary, and for a very, very good cause. Looking forward to taking our baby on many future adventures together!

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  2. Whew. I can’t imagine the changes you’re going through and the changes you AND the mister are going through. That’d definitely be tough- especially with nausea right out of the gate! I’m glad you guys have gotten an opportunity to talk about it and address some of the frustration built up over the last few weeks! Keep communicating! You guys are doing great!

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  3. I’m glad you are over the hump and feeling better. Times of illness and stress can definitely have a large impact on our marriages.

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  4. Aw, I’m so glad you’re feeling better, Elyse! That first trimester is a doozy so I’m glad you’re over the hump a little!

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  5. Sorry to hear this. Honestly, I had HG and puked my guts out until 16 weeks. I don’t think I made it out of bed until that mark. It obviously had an effect on our marriage, but I was too ill to care. Or notice! Ha.

    Pregnancy is honestly the easy part. We were so excited and overjoyed that we fell deeper in love. It’s after little one comes along when things really change. In regards to everyday things- I feel like everything suffers. Marriage. Hygiene. Eating habits. Sanity. However, in the long run, you have a deeper bond with your spouse because you created this beautiful little creature that now comes before everyone and everything.

    I remember thinking when I was pregnant that we would still go on weekly date nights. Remy is 20 months old and we’ve been on one date since she’s been born. ONE! This certainly doesn’t have to be you guys, but children change everything about a marriage.

    Sorry if this seems like a downer comment. Having children is a beautiful thing and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Hopefully you will feel better in your 2nd trimester!! Enjoy all of the time alone that you can now because when little one comes along, it will be hard to come by!

    <3<3

    Emory

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    1. I so appreciate you telling me this Emory! I know that parenthood is definitely going to change our marriage which I’m cautiously waiting to see in what aspects change. I can’t imagine going through HG! I definitely just had run of the mill nausea and vomiting but it was rough, you are a superstar.

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  6. I feel very fortunate to have had a pretty easy first trimester. I was pregnant for more time then I knew and the symptoms were just magnified PMS symptoms for me. I had very sore legs and arms. The night before I finally took that test I was very tired, but I honestly don’t feel as though I was that tired through my first trimester. I’d be tired by 9pm which is only an hour before I normally go to bed. The biggest issue I had was the aches and pain in my body. They still have not left me, but now the headaches have begun.

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    1. The female body is so interesting! I had no idea that aches and pains could start in the first trimester. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with headaches, oddly enough I used to get tension headaches at least 3 times a week and those have disappeared since becoming pregnant.

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