My husband and I have pretty clear domestic responsibilities. He’s the cook, I’m the cleaner and we both do laundry when it needs to be done. It makes life easy for us. We’ve always had this arrangement pretty much since we moved in with each other. Until recently I’ve always had pretty clear work hours, where The Mister works until the work is done. It’s just the nature of our jobs but that changed when we moved to Vancouver because my hours changed during tax season and I was working 70 hour work weeks from February until May. It was a HUGE change for us.
For the first few weeks of busy season, I was forced to clean less. I was getting antsy about how messy our place was because The Mister was working too, and he wasn’t used to having to do the daily cleaning so he was doing minimal cleaning because he was tired after working and having to cook AND clean. Instead of being grateful for what he was doing, or seeing all the things he was doing for me, I yelled at him about all the things he missed cleaning in the kitchen. I should’ve been straightforward about my feelings, I should’ve asked for the things I needed to not feel anxious about our messy apartment, but I didn’t. He didn’t yell back, he just calmly said, “If you told me what you wanted and needed from you, you know I would’ve done it.” Oof. Lesson learned. ASK FOR THE THINGS YOU NEED.
I’m sure that I’m not the only wife to not ask for what I need from my spouse. To expect, that they can read your mind and emotions. Very often, wives don’t ask for the things they need. Things like a break from the children or a help with household chores. Sometimes, they don’t know it’s okay to ask for what they need. At other times, their lives are so busy they haven’t figured out what they need. And one that I’m guilty of, countless times is not asking for it because I believe The Mister should know without being asked. Whatever the reason, needing things and not asking for them creates a lot of stress and frustration, and usually leads to anger and resentment in their marriage.
Here are 3 tips to ask for what you need:
1. Make a list.
Making a list of some things you need so you don’t forget when you are talking with your spouse.
2. Be specific in your needs.
Your spouse will be more likely to respond well if they know exactly what is required of them.
3. Know your worth.
You are worth it. If you’re overwhelmed, reach out to your spouse and family. Your spouse should be willing to help because they love and appreciate what you do for them and your family.
Be specific about what your needs are, and don’t expect your partner to guess. The only way your spouse can know what you want and like is if you’re clear about it. Speak your needs in a way that is respectful and shows your spouse that you know your worth.
So tell me, do you have trouble asking your spouse what you need? Are you like me and think he should just know what I need and want? How do you ask your spouse for what you need?