By now everyone knows about Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages(if you don’t, you’ve been living under a rock and we can’t be friends…just kidding) but did you know that Chapman has created apology languages? Ya, me neither. It blew my mind. Like literally, and as usual he’s hit out of the park with his accuracy in defining how people need to be apologized to.
I’ve alway been under the assumption that there’s only one right way to apologize. Turns out I was WRONG. Just like we all have preferences on how we give and receive love, Chapman’s theory is that we also resolve arguments in our own ways. We apologize a certain way and expect to be apologized to in a certain way. It makes total sense, when you really think about it.
The Apology Languages from Gary Chapman
“Expressing Regret” is the Apology Language that focuses in on emotional hurt. It is an admission of guilt and shame for causing pain to another person. For those who listen for “Expressing Regret” apologies, a simple “I’m sorry” is all they look for.
It is very difficult for some people to admit that they’re wrong. It makes them doubt their self-worth, and no one likes to be portrayed as a failure. For a spouse who speaks this apology language, if an apology does not admit fault, it is not worth hearing. Being sincere in your apology means allowing yourself to be weak, and admitting that you make mistakes.
Many people believe that wrong acts demand justice. The one who commits the crime should pay for their wrongdoing. A spouse who speaks this love language feels the same way towards apologies. In order to be sincere, the person who is apologizing should justify their actions. The spouse who’s been hurt simply wants to hear that their mate still loves them.
For some people, repentance is the convincing factor in an apology. Some spouses will doubt the sincerity of an apology if it is not accompanied by their partner’s desire to modify their behavior to avoid the situation in the future.
In some relationships, a spouse wants to hear their partner physically ask for forgiveness. They want assurance that their spouse recognizes the need for forgiveness. By asking forgiveness for their actions, a spouse is really asking their spouse to still love them. Requesting forgiveness assures your mate that you want to see the relationship fully restored.
The Mister has yet to take the apology languages quiz, so I don’t know his apology language BUT I took the test and I would definitely say it’s accurate for me!
Here are my top two results.
1. Accept Responsibility
2. Expressing Regret
Never underestimate the power of a sincere apology. Preferably, with the best way for your spouse. I hope you’ll take the Apology Languages quiz to become the apologizer that your spouse needs and wants.
So tell me, have you taken this apology quiz? What was your apology language? What do you think makes a sincere apology?