If you read marriage blogs, you’ll notice a theme. That theme is marriage is hard and it’s something that needs to be overcome. It’s made me think a lot lately, why is marriage easy for us then? Is it because we work on our marriage consistently? Is it because we just get along? Is it because we were together for like, forever, before we actually got married? I can tell you it isn’t because we haven’t been through hardships. We’ve dealt with my brain surgery, long distance, job losses and the loss of 3 of 4 grandparents in our relationship.
Marriage IS easy. Or at least it should be. Of course easy doesn’t equal zero work and I think that’s where the problem lies. Humans are inherently lazy. We aren’t exceptions to that rule. But even though our marriage takes “work” that doesn’t mean it isn’t easy. Date nights, communication and loyalty aren’t hard to figure out and they definitely don’t feel like work, but they do take our attention.
1. When bad things happen, we become closer not farther apart.
2. Our relationship comes first.
3. Picking our battles.
4. We are 100% honest.
5. We don’t see our marriage as work.
When people start dating, it’s easy to get along because it’s all superficial. You’re always putting your best foot forward but when you’ve been dating for a long time or married for a while, the superficial romance ends because life isn’t a romantic movie or fairy tale. Life is messy. And trying to fit your messy life into this mould never works because things are always spilling over. Romance becomes a fixed sink or a made lunch.
The other part of marriage that marriage blogs never seem to touch on, is living with someone. Or, at least that’s the difficult part of marriage for us. We’re both stubborn and want things OUR ways. It drives The Mister crazy that I leave my clean(or dirty…) clothing on the arm of our livingroom chair or that I never put my straightener away. I’m an introvert and he’s an extrovert, I need my time alone as an introvert and he needs my attention as an extrovert; these are things we navigate every day, but they don’t feel hard or like work, just a necessary evil of cohabitating with someone.
Let’s stop saying “marriage is hard,” instead let’s start saying “marriage is work,” and let’s start realizing that marriage is a continual work in progress. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
So tell me, do you think marriage is easy? Why or why not? Am I delusional in thinking marriage is easy? What makes your marriage easy or hard?