A to Z of a Happy Marriage

Zip It

zip-it-just-murrayed

We did it! We made it through the entire alphabet! You can check out the rest of the series by clicking here or go to the ‘A to Z Marriage Series’ page above.

Don’t worry this isn’t about ‘keeping sweet’. I won’t ever advocate that but I will always advocate for not badmouthing your spouse in front of others, and that’s what this post is about.

I’m hardly perfect and I do fall into the trap of bad-mouthing The Mister when others are doing the same with their husbands but I do try to only say nice things.

To me, there are times when you may feel the need to vent in marriage. It’s 100% okay to vent but you don’t have to bad-mouth your spouse in the process.

Realizing the importance of not talking badly about your spouse is important. The last thing you ever want to do is talk badly about your spouse in front of family, friends or even strangers. For one thing, it’s not a nice thing to do. For another, if the tables were turned, how would you feel if they bad-mouthed you to others? The golden rule 100% applies here. My rule is, if I wouldn’t do it to a best friend, I won’t do it to The Mister.

Certainly, no marriage is without its flaws and no spouse is without his or her flaws. Occasionally venting to a best friend about how much your spouse drives you crazy is natural. But constantly using passive aggressive language to point them out in front of others is entirely different. Ultimately it will negatively impact your relationship and affect the way others perceive you. Most people find it annoying to be in the constant company of negativity.

This seems logical but deserves to be said, the best rule of thumb to follow when you have complaints is to talk directly to your spouse about them first. If you have a close friend or family member that you need to bounce things off of – that is fine! But keep in mind that you chose your spouse and took vows to love them in good times and bad.

Always speak highly of your spouse no matter what the circumstances may be, because karma can be a very real thing!

So tell me, do you speak positively about your spouse to your parents, friends and strangers? What do you do when a couple is speaking badly about each other to you?

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10 thoughts on “Zip It

  1. Wonderful! Now you got me curious about your entire alphabet series!

    I’ve just been thinking about this recently. Our young pastor has been teaching about men and women these past few weeks in church, and he reminded us about the importance of respect. I agree that once in awhile there is a need to “vent”, but with a trusted friend or family member (as you suggested),who will hopefully not only listen, but point you in the right direction to strengthen your relationship with your spouse. I have only a couple of friends (plus my sister), with whom I would ever occasionally share this way; they also know and love my husband, so they have our best interests at heart. I would never shame my husband in a group of friends, for instance. After sharing in this healthy way, I am usually helped to know I’m not alone in my struggle, but more importantly, I have gained a different perspective and tools to help make the situation better.

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    1. I think that have awesome “marriage friends” that can be an example for your marriage is also a great way for people who might need to vent a little bit. Venting isn’t bad but I think 100% bad-mouthing and not having even one nice thing to say is a whole nother story!

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  2. Great post! I’m also curious about your a-z series and will have to take a gander. A long time ago before I was married I heard a sermon series on Love & Respect and this was one topics of the sermons. It stuck with me. I really have no strategies for when another is talking badly about their spouse. I must just look dumbfounded.

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    1. You’ll have to tell me what you think about the series. You’re right, I’m not exactly sure what I would do if I heard someone badmouthing their spouse except maybe try and change the subject or maybe even ask them if there’s anything that their spouse does well or that you like about them? That might come out as aggressive though so I’m not sure.

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  3. When we first got married I didn’t put any thought into not talking about K. I didn’t go around badmouthing him, but I didn’t think twice about complaining about him. I’m aware of this now and I’ve seen other women totally tear down their husbands/significant others to one another and I hate it. I don’t say anything that I know would be hurtful coming out of him mouth to others. I think that’s a good rule to follow.

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    1. It’s a great lesson you learned, Audrey! I was the same, it’s something I’ve had to learn as well. I’m sure it’s improved your relationship, since I know it definitely improved mine.

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  4. I love the idea of if you won’t do it to a best friend, don’t do it to your husband. I haven’t looked at it that way before but it helps!

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  5. as much as anyone, including me and/or my husband, can be a dick about things sometimes, i never bad mouth him. in fact, when we argue – and sometimes they get really heated – we never yell or swear at each other – ever (even though sometimes i want to!). i think it’s so disrespectful when partners do that; swearing at each other even in the heat of the moment is extremely rude and hurtful and why would you want to hurt someone you love?

    we’re always open and honest with each other, even if some of the things we want to say are hard. if we’re too overwhelmed with anger, we take our time to gather ourselves and calm down, then we talk.

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