A to Z of a Happy Marriage


Warmth - Just Murrayed

You can check out the rest of the series by clicking here or go to the ‘A to Z Marriage Series’ page above.

When a relationship is new and exciting, you can’t stop touching each other, you have LOTS to talk about and you spend a ridiculous amount on presents for each other. Fast forward 20 years, and you probably have a few kids and a busy schedule and your marriage has lost the warmth you once had.

Keep the fire lit in your marriage and your life will be filled with warmth. – Fawn Weaver

The Mister is a very thoughtful person. He’s always buying me small and big things, showering me with kisses and sending me love notes or texts. He does it spontaneously and without abandon, it seems to be easy for him. When it comes to me though, I’m a bit more reserved, or rather I try and make it more intentional and planned. Planning date nights, setting a timer to get off the computer to visit him in his home office while he works, scheduling a day in my calendar to take over his chores. We ‘keep the fire lit in our marriage’ to use the words of Fawn Weaver, in different ways but it works for us.

Some might think that in order to inject warmth back into your relationship you have to do grand gestures, but trust me, when I tell you that it is NOT true.

Here are some simple ways to keep the ‘fire lit’ in your marriage or to rekindle the warmth in your marriage.

1. Speak each others love language
If you don’t know your love language or your spouses’, stop reading this and take it here. Once you know each others love language, start using them. At first, it’ll be work unless your love languages are similar but after a while it’s second nature, I promise!

2. Show affection
Holding hands, making out. Again, if you’re not naturally an affectionate person, it’s going to feel like work at first, but keep going and it will quickly become natural!

3. Encourage one another
One of the easiest ways to show affection, to show you care is to be an encouragement to each other. Whether it’s a new hobby or growing a business, encourage each other to go for personal goals and you’ll notice those warm feelings quickly coming back because when you step away from yourself and your goals and encourage your spouse, you’ll get a lot of satisfaction from seeing them achieve those goals!

4. Practice gratefulness
When you stop thinking about yourself and your happiness, your world opens up. You start seeing things in a different light and it’s easy to see all the great things in your life. I 100% recommend going through every night what you’re grateful for with your spouse. It’s an easy way into the mind of your spouse and you get to see the highlights of their day.

5. Date night
I get it, life is crazy. Sometimes there literally is no time to do weekly date nights, but scheduling date nights is an easy way to make it a priority, even if you have to do it months in advance! Also, changing your definition of a date night might be in order. For us, date night can be a 20 minute walk back and forth from the local Starbucks, as long as we’re talking and really hearing each other, I call it a successful date night! Date nights don’t have to be elaborate, although those can be fun and exciting too!

6. Adjust your attitude
If you’ve put up a wall in order to not get hurt by your spouse, break it down and accept affection, accept nice words. This can be a great exercise for those long-term couples that haven’t been communicating effectively for a while.

What works for one couple may not work for others, but constantly being aware of the ‘warmth’ of your relationship and showing that you’re willing to keep the ‘fire lit in your marriage’ is a great way to keep it going for MANY years.

So tell me, how do you keep the warmth in your relationship? Have there been times when you felt like it was gone? How did you get it back?


6 thoughts on “Warmth

  1. I think this is probably something we struggle with. Both my husband and I are pretty reserved so we don’t do a lot of making out or showering of compliments, lol. I think we both tend to notice the little things, like his hand on my back in public or me making sure his clothes are clean and ironed for a business trip (because I very, very rarely iron anything). I always buy him Twizzlers for his trips, too, and I know he feel all sorts of warm and fuzzy when he opens his suitcase and there they are 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It seems like you still have your ways to keep the warmth in your relationship, and really that’s all that matters! For us, using our love languages has really kept the ‘fire going’ and it honestly feels too easy to make him happy now.


  2. i love the concept of warmth in a marriage. we did this last night actually by checking in with each other. it’s been an insane few weeks and my husband said “do you feel like we are close enough? i miss snuggling you…” to which we then promptly sat side by side on the couch and felt closer than we had in a while thanks to travel and an ironman.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that you check in with each other. I’m sure it’s going to be vital in the next coming months, because I think the temperature of your relationship can change but always checking in, will keep it from getting cold when your attention is on your new tiny human!


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