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When a relationship is new and exciting, you can’t stop touching each other, you have LOTS to talk about and you spend a ridiculous amount on presents for each other. Fast forward 20 years, and you probably have a few kids and a busy schedule and your marriage has lost the warmth you once had.
Keep the fire lit in your marriage and your life will be filled with warmth. – Fawn Weaver
The Mister is a very thoughtful person. He’s always buying me small and big things, showering me with kisses and sending me love notes or texts. He does it spontaneously and without abandon, it seems to be easy for him. When it comes to me though, I’m a bit more reserved, or rather I try and make it more intentional and planned. Planning date nights, setting a timer to get off the computer to visit him in his home office while he works, scheduling a day in my calendar to take over his chores. We ‘keep the fire lit in our marriage’ to use the words of Fawn Weaver, in different ways but it works for us.
Some might think that in order to inject warmth back into your relationship you have to do grand gestures, but trust me, when I tell you that it is NOT true.
Here are some simple ways to keep the ‘fire lit’ in your marriage or to rekindle the warmth in your marriage.
1. Speak each others love language
If you don’t know your love language or your spouses’, stop reading this and take it here. Once you know each others love language, start using them. At first, it’ll be work unless your love languages are similar but after a while it’s second nature, I promise!
2. Show affection
Holding hands, making out. Again, if you’re not naturally an affectionate person, it’s going to feel like work at first, but keep going and it will quickly become natural!
3. Encourage one another
One of the easiest ways to show affection, to show you care is to be an encouragement to each other. Whether it’s a new hobby or growing a business, encourage each other to go for personal goals and you’ll notice those warm feelings quickly coming back because when you step away from yourself and your goals and encourage your spouse, you’ll get a lot of satisfaction from seeing them achieve those goals!
4. Practice gratefulness
When you stop thinking about yourself and your happiness, your world opens up. You start seeing things in a different light and it’s easy to see all the great things in your life. I 100% recommend going through every night what you’re grateful for with your spouse. It’s an easy way into the mind of your spouse and you get to see the highlights of their day.
5. Date night
I get it, life is crazy. Sometimes there literally is no time to do weekly date nights, but scheduling date nights is an easy way to make it a priority, even if you have to do it months in advance! Also, changing your definition of a date night might be in order. For us, date night can be a 20 minute walk back and forth from the local Starbucks, as long as we’re talking and really hearing each other, I call it a successful date night! Date nights don’t have to be elaborate, although those can be fun and exciting too!
6. Adjust your attitude
If you’ve put up a wall in order to not get hurt by your spouse, break it down and accept affection, accept nice words. This can be a great exercise for those long-term couples that haven’t been communicating effectively for a while.
What works for one couple may not work for others, but constantly being aware of the ‘warmth’ of your relationship and showing that you’re willing to keep the ‘fire lit in your marriage’ is a great way to keep it going for MANY years.
So tell me, how do you keep the warmth in your relationship? Have there been times when you felt like it was gone? How did you get it back?