It can be very easy when a relationship is new and exciting to get lost in each other. To fully wrap yourself in each other’s worlds, barely coming up to breathe. It feels so good to have someone who you can spend time with, talk about anything and everything, have fun with. You probably won’t even notice that it happened at first. But when you stop and think about it, you don’t know who you are anymore. Who are you, when you’re not with them?
The Mister and I started dating at 15. Most people would probably forgive me if I did lose myself in his identity, but I’ve always been hyperaware of the possibility so I’ve taken the steps to always be true to myself. We’ve also had the extreme privilege to grow up together, to be able to figure out who we are individually and as a couple. As I get older and become more confident in who I am, the easier it is to realize we’re individuals with so many awesome things to bring to our particular relationship.
If you find yourself losing yourself, try these 5 things to prevent it from happening!
Retail therapy, bubble baths, weekly massage, tennis lesson. These are just some of the endless possibilities that you can do to really nurture yourself, mind and body. Taking care of yourself, also has the added benefit of helping your relationship!
2. Spend time on a hobby(old or new)
If you didn’t have a hobby before getting into your relationship, now would be a great time to start. Whether it’s an art class, a book club or tennis, join something that will allow you to spend a bit of quality time with yourself. Not only will it teach you something new but can get you meeting other people and enjoying time with people who aren’t your spouse.
3. Alone time
As an introvert, this is vitally important to me. It’s really important to carve out alone time. Alone time can be anything: surfing the internet, shopping, reading, watching television. Alone time allows your own thoughts to creep into your head, without the influence of your spouse.
4. Keep family and friends close
I’m sure that there is no one else you’d rather spend time with than your spouse, but your friends and family are a great way to keep you centred. They also have the added benefit of being a great sounding board for any advice or tips you might need in your relationship.
5. Communicate your needs
Don’t compromise or undermine your own desires. A healthy relationship makes room for what both of you need, and your spouse can’t know what you need if you don’t tell them.
Don’t forget – you were an individual before you ever got into a relationship, and being your own person is what drew your spouse to you in the first place.
So tell me, how do you keep yourself an individual in your relationship? Have you found yourself in the position of being wrapped in the identity of your spouse? How did you find yourself again?