Marriage

How To Keep Your Individuality In Your Marriage

How To Keep Your Individuality In Your Marriage - Just Murrayed

It can be very easy when a relationship is new and exciting to get lost in each other. To fully wrap yourself in each other’s worlds, barely coming up to breathe. It feels so good to have someone who you can spend time with, talk about anything and everything, have fun with. You probably won’t even notice that it happened at first. But when you stop and think about it, you don’t know who you are anymore. Who are you, when you’re not with them?

The Mister and I started dating at 15. Most people would probably forgive me if I did lose myself in his identity, but I’ve always been hyperaware of the possibility so I’ve taken the steps to always be true to myself. We’ve also had the extreme privilege to grow up together, to be able to figure out who we are individually and as a couple. As I get older and become more confident in who I am, the easier it is to realize we’re individuals with so many awesome things to bring to our particular relationship.

If you find yourself losing yourself, try these 5 things to prevent it from happening!

1. Self-care
Retail therapy, bubble baths, weekly massage, tennis lesson. These are just some of the endless possibilities that you can do to really nurture yourself, mind and body. Taking care of yourself, also has the added benefit of helping your relationship!

2. Spend time on a hobby(old or new)
If you didn’t have a hobby before getting into your relationship, now would be a great time to start. Whether it’s an art class, a book club or tennis, join something that will allow you to spend a bit of quality time with yourself. Not only will it teach you something new but can get you meeting other people and enjoying time with people who aren’t your spouse.

3. Alone time
As an introvert, this is vitally important to me. It’s really important to carve out alone time. Alone time can be anything: surfing the internet, shopping, reading, watching television. Alone time allows your own thoughts to creep into your head, without the influence of your spouse.

4. Keep family and friends close
I’m sure that there is no one else you’d rather spend time with than your spouse, but your friends and family are a great way to keep you centred. They also have the added benefit of being a great sounding board for any advice or tips you might need in your relationship.

5. Communicate your needs
Don’t compromise or undermine your own desires. A healthy relationship makes room for what both of you need, and your spouse can’t know what you need if you don’t tell them.

Don’t forget – you were an individual before you ever got into a relationship, and being your own person is what drew your spouse to you in the first place.

So tell me, how do you keep yourself an individual in your relationship? Have you found yourself in the position of being wrapped in the identity of your spouse? How did you find yourself again?

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14 thoughts on “How To Keep Your Individuality In Your Marriage

  1. I’ve been with K since I was 16 so I’m right there with ya. Haha. I’m also an introvert, so he understands that I need to just go upstairs and lay on the bed with a book for an hour. We totally understand one another’s need for time apart 🙂 I also have single friends in different parts of the state so sometimes I go visit them for a weekend or a night and he’s a-ok with it!

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    1. I’m glad that K understands your needs as an introvert. I’m also so glad you get some friend time – it’s always good to have one of those times when you’re laughing so hard your abs hurt!

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  2. The manfriend and I have been dating for seven years and it allowed us to kind of grow up and together as well. We enjoy shared hobbies, but we each have a few hobbies {His – hunting, fishing, science / Hers – blogging, nutrition, fashion} which we happily enjoy alone. Occasionally the worlds collide, and we can share those times with each other too. I think the importance of maintaining friendships and close familial relationships is pertinent when you’re coupled up.

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  3. I love all of these tips. I’ve been married for a few years now and we have a little boy…these things are so important =) I love #4 because you don’t want to forget about your social life just because you’re married! ❤

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  4. Dan and I met at an older age, shortly after my 24th birthday and shortly before his 25th birthday. We have definitely kept our individuality while still finding hobbies and interests to share.

    I have my writing, which is a huge aspect of my identity. Dan has his cars. He does the maintenance on them, occasionally makes modifications to them, and even does high-performance driving on the track!

    I spent a lot of time with my dad without Dan, simply because I have the free schedule and my husband doesn’t. When we visit my in-laws, Dan usually gets in quality time with his brothers and their dad.

    As much as I love being with my husband and sharing hobbies, I’m a big proponent of quality time apart!

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  5. yes yes yes! this is so vital to a marriage. while my husband and i now work together, we are still doing different things and have different interests. this allows us to experience things and get to come home and share what we experienced in the world. now to figure this out while raising a tiny human….whew!

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    1. You’ll do great, Chelsea. I love that you do different aspects of your business – I had no idea, but I’m sure that’s how you can maximize your success because you’re doing something you’re the best at! I also love that you can still share your different work experiences even while working together!

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  6. First of all, thank you for sharing those tips 🙂
    Although I’m not married I know the “danger” of loosing your personal traits in a relationship. I met my boyfriend when I was 16 years old and in the end of August we will be celebrating our 7th anniversary 🙂 I guess especially when you are in your teens and spending a lot of time with your special one, it’s so important to also focus on yourself.
    We had, or to be more precise, I had some struggles three years ago, as I started to loose my identity and became to reliant on my boyfriend. Luckily, he realised it and encouraged me to pick up my own hobbies. I guess I have found myself again but sometimes I just fall back into the old pattern 😉

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    1. I’m glad that your boyfriend realized that you were losing yourself, it is SO easy to lose yourself and some people I think are more prone to it than others, just means you have to be more hyperaware of the possibility happening again!

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  7. Yes yes yes. It’s so important to keep your individuality in marriage. Fortunately (or unfortunately) this isn’t a problem for me right now because Pearson works so much that he’s never home. And he never gets to come to parties and other plans we have with people. It’s always me. Solo. lol

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