A to Z of a Happy Marriage

Needs

needs-just-murrayed
So where did we leave off, uh yes. Needs. You can check out the rest of the series by clicking here or go to the ‘A to Z Marriage Series’ page.

Whether you admit or not, everyone has needs. We all do.

These unmet needs can be one factor behind arguments and disagreements that couples have. The more arguments and disappointments you have, the more unfulfilled your relationship feels, the more likely you are to divorce.

“To become an irresistible spouse, you must learn to meet your spouse’s emotional needs” – Marie-Violene Mertilus

The Mister and I live busy lives just like everyone else. The difference? We constantly check-in with each other. Work being a bummer? Tired because a dog was barking all night? Have a fight with a friend? We always know what’s going on and make sure that we are having a good day because we realize that we can meet each other’s needs. Maybe not 100% of our needs but physically and emotionally, we are there for each other.

The first step in having less arguments and feeling more fulfilled in your relationship is figuring out what your personal needs are. Once you know and understand your needs, the second step is figuring out what your spouse needs. The third step is communicating those personal needs to each other which leads into the fourth step which is figuring out what your relationship needs. It’s going to look different couple-to-couple but in general relationships are about open communication, trust, teamwork and friendship.

When people have needs that are not being met in the marriage, they either go without and suffer or get their needs met somewhere else. It’s not realistic to expect your spouse to meet all of your needs, but going outside the marriage for your physical needs for example, is always hurtful to the spouse who is being cheated on.

I don’t know about you, but when I was young I believed the lie that “love is all you need” and, as a society, we often focus on maintaining this love. But what we are not taught is that marriage is like a plant, we must feed, water and nurture it to grow strong roots so that in a storm it doesn’t get blown over.

When we as human beings don’t have our basic needs met, we become aggressive and closed off. When we feel accepted and loved we tend to have more confidence and trust and we are more honest because we know that we will continue to get what we need from our marriage.

So tell me, how do you meet the needs of your spouse? Do you check in with each other on a daily basis? A weekly basis?

Next up, opinions! Don’t miss it on January 28th!

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2 thoughts on “Needs

  1. we are all about those check-ins too! one way we do it, because my husband is such a dreamer, is letting the other person know what we need from the following conversation. he will say “i need a dream session – don’t try to plan anything just dream with me” and usually mine starts with “i just need to vent – don’t try to fix anything!” it’s all about that communication!

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    1. I love the dream session – I’m going to implement that one! I think we’re more likely to use your needing to vent line – I’ve definitely said it before when I’ve had a bad commute or bad work day.

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