A to Z of a Happy Marriage

Forgiveness

forgiveness-just-murrayed

I’m continuing the blog series, “A to Z of a Happy Marriage”. You can check out the rest of the series by clicking here or go to the ‘A to Z Marriage Series’ page on the top of the page.

One of the qualities of a happy marriage is forgiveness. That is, two people constantly forgiving and forgetting.

” A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

The Mister and I haven’t had to deal with serious transgressions like cheating, but we are human so we both make mistakes. For example, I have an awful memory. If I don’t write it down, it won’t get remembered. I’ve definitely had to say sorry, WAY too many times because of something I’d forgotten. He understands I don’t do it maliciously, so I’m quickly forgiven but I’ve forgotten some pretty huge things.

Forgiveness isn’t just good for the person being forgiven but is good for the person doing the forgiving.

Holding on to resentments, replaying the situation over and over, can be satisfying in the moment but often the offending party remains oblivious to the anger. Meanwhile, people become fixated with the wrongs done to them and the rehashing of the wrongs only results in resentment and anger towards the other party and erodes your once good marriage. That’s the key. It’s one thing to forgive them, but you haven’t truly forgiven them if you haven’t forgotten about it.

Forgiveness does not diminish the wrong done against you. Forgiveness is not a denial of what happened. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you’re instantly healed from that hurt.

If you’re struggling to forgive and forget remember it often hurts you more than the person who has wronged you. It can be difficult but in order to keep resentment from seeping into your marriage you must forgive. It’s not always easy (or instant!) but it needs to be done.

Now ask yourself, is there something you haven’t forgiven your spouse for? Are you holding on to resentment because of past hurts? Forgiving and forgetting is the first step in healing your relationship and you’ll be amazed how much better you feel when that happens.

So tell me, are you quick to forgive and forget or does it come harder to you?

Next up, gratitude! Check it out on September 3rd.

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2 thoughts on “Forgiveness

  1. such an important issue to bring to light, elyse! especially like “Forgiveness is not a denial of what happened.” i’ve struggled with that where inside i’m thinking “well if i forgive you then i excuse you” but that’s not the case at all. thanks for this insightful look into why it’s so important to a marriage!

    Like

    1. I think that’s why it can be hard to forgive people, we think that forgiving people automatically means that everything is excused, which it’s definitely not the case!

      Like

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