A to Z of a Happy Marriage

Expectations

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I’m continuing the blog series, “A to Z of a Happy Marriage”. You can check out the rest of the series by clicking here or go to the ‘A to Z Marriage Series’ page on the top of the page.

Frustration and anger result when there is a wide gap between what we expect and what actually happens.

“Unrealistic expectations will kill your marriage. Unspoken expectations will kill it just as fast. – Alecia Starks

The Mister and I are always trying to keep our expectations in sync with one another as well as 100% clear. That’s the key. Neither one of us is mind readers, so we have to tell each other what our expectations are in plain language and sometimes that means compromising on our expectations. For example, he’s the chef, and I’m the cleaner for the most part. Our apartment is very small so The Mister expects me to have all the breakfast dishes done by the time he gets home so there is space for him to make dinner for us because I expect him to start dinner right once he gets home because I’m hungry after work.

So, how do you deal with expectations? The first step is KNOW everyone has expectations including yourself and your spouse. Second step is to figure out what YOUR expectations are. If you have a strong expectation for something in your marriage the third step is very important. Third step is SHARE and CLARIFY your expectations with your spouse. You may not need the fourth step, but the fourth step is COMPROMISE,  you might have to lower or raise your expectations based on your spouses’ responses.

Now ask yourself, does my spouse know my expectations for them? Does my spouse have expectations of me and what are they? Once you’re on the same page you will realize how great your relationship can be.

Do you have unrealistic expectations for your spouse? What about unrealistic expectations for yourself?

Next up, forgiveness! Don’t miss it on August 20th!

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8 thoughts on “Expectations

  1. This is such a good reminder. I probably too often don’t communicate my expectations to my husband and then get upset when he doesn’t do what I had hoped he would, which is quite silly actually.

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    1. I’m sure it’s quite common! I know I’ve gotten upset over something The Mister didn’t do when I expected him to do it even though I never told him of my expectations.

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  2. I love this!!! I think since Bensen was born, mine and Joe’s expectations have changed and I really need to sit down and list those out again, both of us. Maybe we’ll do that when he gets home on Saturday!

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  3. yes yes YES! i absolutely love that you bring up we aren’t mind readers nor should we expect our partners to just ‘knoooooow’ what we are thinking/feeling/wanting. we set a lot of expectations around birthdays and holidays because it’s very important to me to have a card and i expect one (and am disappointed if i don’t get one because it’s part of my love language).

    for my husband on the other hand, he prefers experiences as opposed to gifts so i need to adjust what i was planning to get him according! such an important one elyse!

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    1. I’m so glad you mentioned the love languages as well! Such a great reminder that sometimes your love language is tied in with with your expectations of your spouse and for yourself.

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  4. I love this idea of the A to Z of a happy marriage! I’m a newlywed so it’s fun for me to read about your experiences and advice 🙂 I especially love this about expectations! I think you make a super good point about its important to clarify what you expect! It’s also important to realize that expectations can change depending on what comes up in life 🙂

    xo Nicole
    http://www.damatoadventures.blogspot.com

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    1. I’m glad you found my A to Z of a happy marriage series! You’re so right that expectations can change depending on SO many things, new experiences, new friends, new cities, even conversations.

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