This exact day 2 years ago, The Mister proposed to me. I was over-the-moon happy but this time of year also brings me back to a weird place.
Our relationship hasn’t always been wonderful. For at least two years before we were engaged I felt a bubbling cauldron of resentment and jealousy which occasionally oozed into how I interacted with The Mister which led me to be mean and inconsiderate of his feelings. I was in a “limbo” of sorts. I knew we would be together forever. I knew that at 15 and that’s a fact that hadn’t changed but I was getting anxious seeing all of our friends get engaged and married. Don’t get me wrong, I was always ecstatic when I attended another friends wedding but there was always that twinge of jealousy that it wasn’t us.
For the two years before our engagement was when we seriously talked about engagement and marriage. The Mister always had a different reason for not getting engaged whether it was him making more money or getting a different job for myself. He always said he had a plan about when we would get engaged and married but I still resented him because HE was the one in control of MY life. That was the worst of it. I felt like I didn’t have any control of my own life. My life couldn’t progress until HE was ready.
I was terrified that my resentment would actually rip us apart and we’d end up breaking up.
We obviously continued our relationship but we were in this weird limbo. I wanted a proposal and I HAD no idea when or how it would happen and it was just killing me. I laid it all out on June 2013. I was a blubbering mess but I just needed him to know that waiting any longer was hurting our relationship because I couldn’t contain my resentment.
I didn’t need a ring to know he was committed but I was confused. If he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and we’d agreed that a wedding is something we both wanted, WHY hadn’t it happened?
So, now you’re next question may be how did I get over the resentment? I took matters into my own hands. I decided that if he hadn’t proposed to me by November 3, 2013(our 12 year dating anniversary!) I was going to propose to him. I was tired of him having all the control so I was going to take matters into my own hands. It is after all the 21st century. I could propose to him if I wanted to.
It WAS that simple. I felt in control, my anxiety left, my mood lifted, our relationship improved.
Lucky for me, I didn’t have to propose to him because he proposed while we were in British Columbia for a friends wedding.
So tell me, was there something in YOUR relationship that was driving a wedge between you and your spouse? How did you overcome it?