I’m continuing the blog series, “A to Z of a Happy Marriage”. You can check out the rest of the series by clicking here or go to the ‘A to Z Marriage Series’ page.
Good communication is the key to what everyone who gets married wants: to be understood. This is because EVERYONE wants to feel loved and heard.
“Communication is the life line of any relationship. Without it, the relationship will starve itself to death, ” – Elizabeth Bourgeret
The Mister and I are always working on our communication. Neither one of us are mind readers, so until that happens, we have to tell each other what we are truly feeling. Our arguments always start by one person saying, “hey, I’d appreciate it if you could do X next time.” We both say it nicely, but the other person isn’t TRULY listening and then the behaviour continues. So the person says it a bit a louder and a bit more aggressive the next time it happens, “hey, I’d appreciate it if you do X next time.” It continues to happen, because we are busy people. Then the person gets REALLY loud because well, they’ve told you that so and so drives them crazy at least 2 or 3 times and you still aren’t listening and you continue to do the behaviour. They are feeling like you aren’t hearing them so they get angry and a fight erupts.
Selfishness can cause communication problems. Selfishness keeps you from listening to your spouse when they need to be heard. Selfishness makes you think about your rebuttal in an argument instead of your spouses feelings. Selfishness keeps you from telling your partner EVERYTHING.
Selfishness is ingrained in us, but you can do better. We work hard in our marriage to understand each other. To truly listen to each other when the other is speaking. We try not to interrupt the other person when they are speaking (something I continue to need work on!).
Now ask yourself, “Do we really have a communication problem? Or is it a selfishness problem?” Your communication will improve as ours did once you address these issues and work to change them. Good communication like everything in a marriage takes time and effort, but it’s SO worth it.
Would you say you communicate well with your spouse? Tell me why or why not?
Next up, date nights! Don’t miss it on July 23rd!