“Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it.” – Michael J. Fox.
Acceptance is one of the most important qualities in marriage. Acceptance means to approve of. Ask yourself, “Do I accept my spouse, good qualities, bad qualities, good habits and bad habits?” Trying to change your spouse instead of accepting their good and bad qualities, can make you angry or you may end up resenting your spouse.
One or both of you may have trouble accepting the differences in your opinions and needs. For example, The Mister loves to be spontaneous. On a sunny summer day, The Mister just loves to start walking in one direction without a plan. He just wants to see what’s happening around Toronto. He never has a plan. I on the other hand, need to have a plan. I need to know what we’re doing, how long we’ll be and who or if we are going with someone. I understand he likes and needs to just go out without a plan, so instead of asking him the million questions that I’d like to know, I’ve learned to trust him. I know if I tell him I’m too tired to continue, he’ll stop. If I’m hungry, we’ll find a place to eat. I don’t need to change this aspect of him because I know he also has my needs in mind. As well, if I tried to change this aspect of him, it would literally change who he is and who I fell in love with.
I am an introvert by nature. People exhaust me. Even though, The Mister is extroverted and he would probably love to go out and have some fun with friends every night, I need to go home and zone out on my computer or do some chores after work. He respects that and after dinner is usually my alone time.
If you’re upset about some quality of your spouse, it may actually be YOU who needs to adjust your attitude. These are the very qualities that attracted you to your spouse!
Attempts to change your spouse are rarely successful unless they are ready to change and seek your help. Most of the things that you may wish your spouse would change are not that big of a deal in the long run unless you are a controlling person, then everything may seem like a big deal to you. Weaknesses in your spouse may be hard for you to accept, but everyone has weaknesses!
So ask yourself, “are there things about my spouse that I’m having difficulty accepting?” If so, perhaps you are the one who needs to work on accepting your spouse for who they are rather than attempting to mold them into who you want them to be.
Next up, be best friends! Don’t miss it! You can find the entire series under the tab A to Z Marriage Series.